meet me in outerspace

WOOOO HOOOOO!!!! MY PROJECT IS FINISHED!!!!! It's getting sent to the printing press as I type! I'm really happy to see that thing go. Nothing but hardwork and stress. Fucking YAY (insert Joey giggle). I think I'm going to party like it 1999 tonight...oh wait, no I won't. I'm going to have to be sleeping because I haven't in awhile. oh well

Red Hot Chili Peppers concert on Friday.

I just got permission from my supervisor to goof off the last 15 minutes of today...even tho I'm super busy and have to have this next thing done by Friday...yeah...

Oh yeah and I'm really pissed off at the fact that 2½ hours of my overtime aren't being paid as such. It's not my fault the office was closed on Good Friday, why do I have to pay for it? Fuck ya'll. With what should be 10.75 hours at time and a half...I'm only getting about an extra hundred bucks. Not enough. They made me go to Minnesota for cryin out loud! Minnesota! And I have to go again next week! Not fair. I'd much rather be at home sleeping. Oh well....maybe I'll get to drive this time. HORRAY! If only. I'd want to drive the Buick again. Nice nice real nice.

Happy fuckin Wednesday. Wednesdays always suck. Almost as bad as Mondays. Mondaies? hehehe. See how stupid I am right now? It's because of the day of the week being Wednesday. Which follows Tuesday.

Last night P and I went tanning. It was nice nice real nice. I almost have color. Little white girl me. C came over and we got all pretty. Drove on down to Clay's. When we called on the way he said one of his friends (insert name) was there. I didn't think anything of it until I got to the house, looked into the window and saw a really tall guy (I couldn't really see anything but shape) who wasn't Matt. Well, I thought really quickly of my friend (insert name) who I went to school with, happened to be gay and just so happened to live in Madison. I haven't seen this character in a year or so. I go in and the guy looks and me and says hey and looks away. I say "Spiderboi!" and he looks again and runs over to give me a hug. Clay looks a little confused so we fill him in. We all hang out a bit and then Clay, P, C, Spider and I all go to State St. We have a blast there, running amuck and singing Disney songs rather loudly. Then off to the club. Spider doesn't go cause he's not really into that, but I had such a blast with Clay on the way. He's such a great guy.

Once there, Aaron sees me and has to almost knock me over to hug me. We talk and dance a bit. I see Ryan and his friend Steve. There was some drama involving Levi's little sister again. She broke up with her boyfriend there cause he made out with some lesbians and then went home with his best friend. Good times. Oh, and gave some guy a fat lip because someone said he was trash talking her. Fun. But I didn't see any of it so I don't really care!

In the middle of dancing Aaron took me aside and said he needed to talk to me. So we went into a semi-quiet corner and had a little discussion. People talk about Jacob. A lot. There was talk a month or two ago that he stole Levi's roommate's credit card. Now this week there is talk that he took $250 from Clay's house. Neither of those have been proven, but he did take his exboy's credit card and max that out after they broke up...so yeah. Since he is a friend of mine and almost Aaron's boyfriend, both of us are kinda confused and don't know what to think.

I was off talking to some people and Jacob walks up to me and says he's going to find me a straight boy (there were a lot there last night, due to Z104 giving stuff away). I shrug and go talk to a friend...Jacob walks up a couple of minutes later with a guy! What? His name was Eric. We hung out for a bit, danced a little, talked a little. He was really shy. I am too usually, but if I didn't talk we would just be standing next to each other. Then I needed a drink and when I got done there (I had to talk to some people) he was gone. Disapeared. That's ok cause when I saw him again he was making out with some boy. Ummm? Thanks Jacob. He tried tho, at least he was bi. Eric said he would come again and I'd see him then.

I noticed last night that I get my ass slapped a lot. Like when I was talking to Eric, I got slapped on the ass seven times. Aaron, Joey, Shawn, Ryan, P, Levi and I don't even know who the seventh was! But I was only talking to him for like 10 minutes in that spot. It's fuckin annoying!

Ok Sunday after we all got back to my house...Jacob called. His roommates wanted the house, so he asked to stay the night. I said ok drive on over. Cutie Jake called and was bored. So I said we would drive over once Jacob got there. Manohman, I can't even think right now. WE went over to Cutie Jake's and hung out a bit. Someone I've seen around was there and we all talked and whatever...Cutie Jake came back to my town with us to stay at his parents because of a court appointment and a broken car. On the drive I was in the backseat of C's car with Jacob and Cutie Jake, P was in the front and C was driving. Well, C let them smoke and we were moving around getting comfy (it's a big big big backseat and there are many ways to sit) well, Jacob accidently hit the roof with his cigarette. He put off telling her until we got to my house. Jake and I were just hiding ourselves in each other while he was telling her. She took it well at first so we realaxed, then she saw it and we tightened up again. It was really funny. C went home and everyone else went inside. We talked a bit and then Cutie Jake wanted to play truth or dare. What is up with that game all the sudden? Honestly? I hated it. I still hate it and it seems so elementary school. But here we were playing it. It was really funny tho. Dirty Indiana and whatnot.

Monday - I went to Madison for work. I've been so busy here it sucks. But it was fun. We ate at the Olive Garden. Yummy. Then shopped a bit. I spent $24 on books. Not too bad. For getting 4 books anyway. I met P at the park after work and we looked around for some appartments in town. I yelled at someone driving on my ass and he yelled back at me. I seem to have a temper issue the last couple of days. Nope, weeks. I have no problem yelling at people. What's going on? Moving on, we couldn't find either place and my sister called. So we gave up. My sister and W took us over to their house and gave me a really cool gift. It's 1/2 inch deep, double glass and a color changer. HAHAHA! ! I'm so please I could cry. But I won't cause then I'd laugh!!! I love it to death even tho I'm trying to stop.

Shawn called last night and we talked for near an hour. Shoot!!! I meant to call Beppo. My bad. I'll call at 3 if I take a break. Damn I'm such an airhead sometime. I have no train of thought cause there aren't any fuckin tracks!

But fucking Yay that Kasey is going to come visit me ! ! ! Plane ticket purchased and everything.

Hmmm, this weekend was a haze. As determined as I was to stay sober...it didn't happen.

Friday - P, C and I went to see Anger Management. Cute movie. Durring which my sister and W called five times (I had my phone on silent, no worries). Finally as the credits were rolling, I called them back. W wanted us to come over. So C dropped us off at home (she didn't really want to go) and P and I drove on over. We played a game or two of asshole and I only had one wine cooler (bleck, but better than beer). Then we retired into the smoking room. I don't know anymore. Ok yeah I do. I played Nintendo. Both Zelda and Super Mario Bros 3. Shawn came over. He said I had nappy hair (it's not nappy!). Ummm, I ate cookies. We watched something with Kermit the Frog in it. I couldn't move after awhile. This was some serious $160 an 1/8 stuff. So yeah.... P, Shawn and I stayed there.

Saturday - I woke up at 8 with Shawn and walked him to his car. Back to sleep. I woke up again at 11. P and I went back to my house, sat out in the backyard and did her hair. She had braided extensions and we took them out. Her hair was sooo poofy and wavy. We left it. She had a 'fro. We got all clean and ready to go to Madison. When I had talked to Levi earlier, we decided we should be there at 7. It takes about an hour to get there. We were running late (like always) when Levi calls at 6:30 and says he is in a town nearby and thinks we should do a ho-train to Mad-town when we go. But he's with some friends and they're going to have dinner. P and I waited for two hours and then just decided to go. During that time we walked in a cemetary and also the zoo. Fun times. We actually has some deep meaningful conversations about our goals in life and how we procrastinate on achieving them. We head off to Madison and I'm kinda depressed. Joey calls on the way and talking to him kinda makes me feel better. Except the whole:
Joey: Who is with you?
me: P
Joey: OH YAY! I LOVE P .... I love you too.
me: Gee thanks.
Joey: I do love you, I just love P more.
me: goody
P is Joey's favorite. Which is cool. I don't really have a problem with that, I just like to make him feel bad, which he doesn't so it's all a pointless mess. Fuck it.

On the way, I say that I want to stay sober. That my goal for the night is to stay sober. "P, please help me stay sober" She agrees and we continue.

Moving on. So Matt was the only one home when we got there. Joey walked in after a bit with a case of Triple Black under his arm. He says "YAY! We're getting fucked up tonight!" I argue with him for a couple of minutes and then give in. What the hell does it matter anyway? So we drink and smoke and just get messed up. Fun times. There was a dance party. We walked (well actually we jogged) to the store and got munchies. I made out with Joey but started laughing so he licked my face. Eww. Levi called sometime and told me why he wasn't there, but I forgot within seconds of him telling me. Joey mumbled for 10 minutes non-stop about nothing before he went to bed. Clay got home and everyone passed out. I stayed up and talked to Clay (as well as I could) and just kinda hung out. Finally he pulled the couch bed out for me and I laid down...completely gone.

Sunday - I woke up when some guy got there (5 in the morning or such), Clay introduced us and then I passed out again. When I woke up again at 7, Clay was laying beside me and we started talking. Apparently he and the guy fooled around a little and now the guy was in Derricks room and Clay was a lot pissed off about that. We both fell asleep. I woke up when the guy left. Fell asleep. Woke up again when Clay left for work at 10. Actually got up for a little while. Traded P spots cause that couch sucked. Almost fell asleep again when Derrick came running down the stairs late for work. He was running out the door when I told him I would give him a ride. So P and I took him to work, had a nice talk on the way. Derrick is such a sweetie and I didn't even know. I would like to hang out with him a bit more.

After we dropped him off we went to McDonalds. Yummy. Levi called while we were in the Drive Thru. He asked us to come over so we did. It was only a few blocks away. Hung out...a friend from Janesvegas showed up. It was cool to see him. Blah blah blah.

The drive home took forever because of traffic. Nice 45 minute standstill. You don't get that in Wisconsin normally. Well..yeah you do...I just hate traffic with a passion unnaturally devoted to hating traffic.

Back at home, P and I ran around in a hurry to get clothes, props and accessories for the photo shoot C wanted to do. See, C is a talented photographer. But she doesn't have much pictures of people because she doesn't ask. That's all she ever needs to do! But P and I offered up our bodies for her talents....uh, dirty. Not really. So we all went out to the cemetary and took a bunch of beautiful pictures. I really hope they look good and not cheesy. Cause I think they're going to be lovely. But it's hard to judge pictures of yourself knowing that they're going to be shown to a shit-ton of people. Especially if you're only wearing a slip...yeah...hmmm. We'll see I guess.

I'll finish later

I'm with ya Cody...Let's go. I need to go to a concert and blow off some steam in the mosh pit. I fuckin hate people!!!

Moving on. I've been busy. Went to Madison again this morning, but this time I got to drive. A beautiful buick. Luxerious! We met for breakfast again. After that, Turdy and I went to the mall. She's such a girly-girl. Don't get me wrong I like shopping. But not for 2 hours in the Boston Store. Come on. So I left her and went shopping on my own. But I didn't find anything. It was a nightmare!! (now who's the girly-girl?).

We got back here at 1:15 and I've been working ever since. I really should be working right now, but it's breaktime and I think I should get some time to myself today.

P and I aren't going to Packer City this weekend. We were going to, then weren't, then going to again, but now we aren't. Beppo didn't sound too bothered by it tho. So fuck him if his world isn't crushed because I'm not going to see him. Just kidding. We're going to go in two weeks if I'm not in MN again. Damn Minnesota. I have yet to have a good experience in that state....

Damn it's hot in here....
nope that's just me.

I feel so pretty today. I shouldn't be wasting my time at work. I need to go out and mingle with the crowd.

I can't believe I just said mingle. That's pretty funny.

Yesterday I stayed and worked until 8. That's right, I worked from 8am until 8pm with no breaks except lunch. We finally got all the stuff done tho, and now it mostly rests on the color house. All I have to do it proof stuff and then go on press again for color. I've been under such a strain from work. It had totally taken it's tole. I was bitchy and tired and sore. My body was one big ache. My stomach was eating itself from stress.

When I got home (at 8:30!!) Shawn and P were sleeping on my bed. Seems to be a trend here. I must have the most comfy bed in the world if everyone needs to come over to sleep in it. Anyway, we went downstairs to watch a movie, but ended up turning it off and talking. Well, P and I talked...Shawn halfway slept. We talked about how my attitude has changed since we've meet. I used to be so insecure. I can't even describe it. I used to feel like I was bothering people when I asked if they wanted to hang out. Like no one really wanted to hang out with me but didn't want to hurt my feelings...Anyway, Beppo called and we talked for 5 minutes before I got a sliver in my foot and had to go preform surgery to get it out. I took a shower and then meet Shawn and P in his car...smoked. Shawn left for work and P and I got into bed. This is around 11:30. We text Joey "Why do birds suddenly appear?" and sent Clay "Did you ever know that ur my hero?". We almost fell asleep then, but instead called Clay to say welcome back. We tried to talk to him, but giggled too much and he kept asking if we were high. It took 20 times of him asking before I forgot to say no. But it was hilllarious. He would yell at me for giggling when P and I were talking the whole time he was talking to someone else. Then he yelled at me for talking to P and then went and started talking to someone else. I got a headach and finally fell asleep around 12:30 or 1.

Today tho. It's beautiful. I woke up to JC Superstar, my pages are done and it's so pretty out. I spent the morning in Madison with my bosses. We had to meet someone for a very very casual business meeting. I got breakfast and a mocha freeze out of it. Plus shopping at Boarders. Maybe that wasn't a good idea tho, cause I spent $45 and was tempted to spend more.

However, I did find the most awesome book. It's amazing and I'm only a couple of pages into it. It's called The Book of Disquiet. I'm very happy with that purchase and am going to get another for Beppo for a late X-mas gift. Unfortunately, I can't give it to him this weekend like planned cause my parents are going to be out of town and I have to take care of the animals. Damn.

So it's prolly going to be a weekend in Madison and whatever. Maybe I can get people to come visit me. Perhaps...who would I want to see tho? A lot of people!!! Oh well. We'll see what happens.

In these random impression, and with no desire to be other than random, I indifferently narrate my factless autobiography, my lifeless history. These are my Confessions, and if in them I say nothing, it's because I have nothing to say.
-Fernando Pessoa

I have time inbetween the things I'm doing to think of some strange ideas...unfortunatly, I never have enough time to write them down or even complete the thought. So where I might be insanely creative and unique...no one will ever know.

Ok...last night was ok. When I got home from this terrible, nasty day at work all I wanted to do was take a nap. Well, I crawl into bed and P and C decide that I should share my bed. I get a little annoyed cause Damn it! I have a hard time taking naps and taking naps with other people is close to impossible for me. So I went downstairs. I had just managed to fall asleep when my mom comes to see if I'm pissed off about something. I assure her (with no kind words) that I'm fine and just want to sleep. I'm almost asleep again and my phone rings. I thought I left it upstairs, but no. So Shawn has to tell me that I should call him later. Gee, thanks. So I give up and go back upstairs. My poor stomach is rolling around because I was so tense and anxious yesterday. I just kinda slouched at the table and talked to my mom and read a magazine for awhile. P and C got up and we watched tv or something and ate dinner. Levi called. Cutie-Jake called. We got ready, picked up Levi's little sister and Cutie-Jake and then went to Madison. First stopping at Levi's to say hi and see Matt. Then we stopped at 3 different gas stations looking for zig-zags (none had them!) and then a groccery store for an apple. Finally getting to Joey's. Jacob was there!!!! Derrick took a pic of me poking holes in a metal beer cap and also one of me and Jacob. Jake carved the apple while Joey and I went to the liquor store. He bought me a big ol' bottle of Smirnoff Ice. He got Triple Black and P got a MGD or something. Bleck, beer. We smoked out of an apple. How cool is that? Well...not really, but it was fun...and tasted funny. Oh well. Joey and I rode to the club with Jacob. That was fun. Joey and I had a discussion about the stages of drunkeness. He says it goes bubbly, tipsy and then krunk. But I think there should be something between tipsy and krunk. Oh well. I was at the most wonderful feeling tho. Just a little high and just a little influenced. A nice mixture. I've never done that before, I've heard you have to be really careful.

At the club...same ol' shit, different day. I have a lot of fun when I go, but last night something was different. Way too much drama. I was playing middleman for Shawn and Christian and their stupid argument. Hard to do when Christian is texting me messages and Shawn is flirting with other boiz. Then Levi's little sister almost got into a fight with Teege's friend.

Jacob and Aaron might be hooking up. Why do my boiz always hook up with each other? Is it just my magical introductions? Yeah... it is. Jacob said I was his best girl friend. And Aaron said I was his number one pussy. How...ummm...sweet? They both looked really hot last night. And Aaron kissed me. Like kissed me kissed me. What a fuckin tease! But I spent most of the night with Jacob.

C and I drove home alone. It was fun tho. We didn't need anyone with us. Cause we talked and talked...about what? I dunno. But I know I laughed a lot.

About this weekend? Yeah what the hell is going on? I don't really want to drive to Packer City, but I will if I have to damn it. It looks like I'm gonna have to. Oh no! Clay and Matt will be back in town then...Beppo or Clay and Matt? We shall see.

Busy, busy, terribly busy. You've no idea what I've got to do. Busy, busy, dreadfully busy. Much, much too busy for you.

Last night was fun of course. How could I have anything but fun with my boiz. Well, except for all the fucking drama!

In other news...where I scratched my arm while wrestling Shawn looks like I tried to shoot up with heroin.

So ... yeah. Today fucking sucks. I hate swearing so much, but it really does.

Last night I went home and was told to change into my pj's. So I did. P and I received a call from the Bartending College we're going to attend. Then we went on over to C's. She made tacos!!! YUMMY YUMMY TACOS! We watched Jackass while eating. Interesting. There were only a couple of parts I couldn't watch. But otherwise I laughed my ass off. I think I might have to purchase that movie. It fills me with delicious humor and revolting disgust at the same time. So when the movie was almost over I received a call from cutie Jake. He wanted us to meet him and one of his friends (someone I knew from school) at Kitchen. So we did. We talked and had a lot of fun. Only...J was there. That didn't bug me. What bugged me was that he had my phone! Well, not really my phone but the same kind of phone I have. Which is really new and his scrubby ass shouldn't be able to afford it. Damn. How snobby do I sound? Really fuckin snobby.

Anyway here I am at work today and I am now on the phone...

(20 minutes later) Ok that was Shawn...he's having doubts about him and Christian. Poor kid. He's in the middle of a huge mental growth and doesn't really know what he wants. He called me and that means a lot. I want to try and be there for him, but if he doesn't know what he wants how can I give my advice when he asks for it? Oh well, I do my best and stumble around when need be.

But anyway...WORK SUCKS!!! I've been working my ass off all morning and am getting really nervous about this book getting to the press on time. We've already pushed it back once...I don't want to do it again. I've already gotten "scolded" today. Me and turdy both. Oh well. I'm not too worried about it. But I do have a very busy afternoon now.

On another note...I need to stop doing drugs.

Oh my goodness. Can I just tell you how my heart stopped mid-beat when I saw a piece of paper with this website address on it just laying on the floor in my house? Cause it did. Wow. I don't know what I would do if this site got out among my friends or family. Seriously, I would freak out. This is like my journal. I say things I would never say in real life here. Stuff people are not meant to read. Cause I don't always mean everything I write. It's just a way to get thoughts out of my head. And to document my life. Cause if I don't write it down... I will forget it.

I didn't go to sleep until 4:30 am on Easter Sunday. Then I woke up at 10. Shawn came over and ate lunch with us. It was all very nice. After lunch we laid down for an hour and a half, but only slept about 45 minutes because we were wrestling and talking. I finally made him get up and we went with my sister's boyfriend and played basketball and then hack for a bit. He had to show off his stuff so we went back to his apartment and smoked a little. It's hazy today and making things look purple. Back to my house...we just kinda hung out. C came over eventually. We continued hanging out. Joey called and wished us a happy 420 and invited us over to his house before going to the club on Tuesday. Christian came over for a bit and ... issues there with him and Shawn, but I'm not going to go into it. I'm sure I kicked Shawn's ass a couple of times. We always beat each other up. It was kinda boring. I wanted to go to my sister's but no one else wanted to move. So finally P got home but then C had to go and leave. Timing people, come on. Shawn was sleeping in my bed and didn't want to move so I dragged P over to my sister's. I was just going to drop the cd off and leave, but I stayed and talked for a bit and then had to go in the smoking room. P came with of course. After a couple of big hits I decided that I was going to be fried in a couple of minutes. So I went out in the living room and watched Punk'd. Funny funny stuff right there. When it was done at 11, we left. I thought I was a little more sober...but no....I really wasn't. Back roads baby. I didn't see a single other car. Shawn was still sleeping in my bed, so I woke his ass up and made him go to work. P and I then texted messaged a bunch of people some fucked up messages. Laughing our asses off the whole time. I was whispering the entire night. It was a good time.

I love everyone. Seriously, I didn't get much sleep last night, have a ton of work to do today and it's shaping up to be a rough day...but I'm happy. Dunno why. It's just a happy day.

Wowie. P and I sent out some interesting text messages last night:

To William:
Happy 420! Jeepers Creepers? Hazy Dazy. Wowie.

To Christian:
Toad? Toady? Toadstool? ... oh ... ok

To Joey:
Oops sorry, wrong person. Will self-destruct in 5 seconds 2-1...Mother?

To Levi:
We're not talking nonsense...We're talking milky way.

To Clayton:
Hickory Dickory Doc...Did you ever notice that asphalt tastes funny?

To Joey (again):
Funderware! Cac-chaos! Happy 420! Luv

To Levi (again):
!PooP!

Then there is the stuff we didn't send...like
so if a chicken and an egg are in the road...oh wait...no sherbert
Noodles not poodles
I can't talk above a whisper or I'll shriek
Myrtle? Myrtle? Myrtle? uhhhhh
It's prime time for crime time
Boob....I knew I put that there
I have air bubbles under my tounge
I can't think of anything more comfy so don't try to talk me out of it

I had two very interesting chat sessions today:

KiaKllrchkn: oh my gosh...remember that guy that was totally hot that I was freaking out over because he's bi?
KiaKllrchkn: my parent's friend's son
CustomBoi: yeah
KiaKllrchkn: his parents are here
CustomBoi: LMAO
KiaKllrchkn: I know!
KiaKllrchkn: I have such a hard time keeping a straight face while looking them in the eye
CustomBoi: LOL
KiaKllrchkn: I just want to taunt them with "I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know!!!"
CustomBoi: LOL

KiaKllrchkn: are you going to be in Madison tonight?
GMCZ7190: no
KiaKllrchkn: aww shucks
GMCZ7190: monday for sure though cus i work tuesday at 7 am
KiaKllrchkn: well Cody and I are going to your house....and we were hoping to see ya but I guess you think you're too good for us
KiaKllrchkn: "little bitch" from Cody...with love
GMCZ7190: lol
GMCZ7190: of course
GMCZ7190: no lezbian sex in my room
KiaKllrchkn: oh come on
GMCZ7190: ok i guess but clean up the mess
KiaKllrchkn: all of it? can't we leave you something to remember us from?
GMCZ7190: leave it with levi
KiaKllrchkn: lol...will do!

Oh man oh man oh. I swear I've got mono or something. All I do anymore is sleep!

Ok, Thursday night P and Shawn were already at my house. I got home and Robbie and Crystal soon showed up. P and Shawn were playing x-box and Robbie and Crystal were cuddling. I just sorta went back and forth between them and my parents. We went to Walmart eventually and I got a new alarm clock and A Goofy Movie. Came back home & watched Harry Potter 2.

Will finish later..
Later
Beppo called me so I was on the phone with him for a while when I got another call. I answer that and who should it be but Toast calling collect from jail. We shoot the shit for a bit and then he asks me a favor. He was something to celebrate the holiday happing on Sunday. I agree to meet him the next day (he gets out for appointments). Back to Beppo...Robbie and Crystal left so Shawn and P are upstairs annoying me. Talking about how hot Beppo it and how we should get together. I don't know if they said it loud enough for him to hear...but I was blushing. Shawn kept trying to get the phone so he could ask Beppo out for me. How junior high is that? So I left the room. Shawn picks up the other cordless and starts talking. Beppo knew that Shawn wanted to ask him something so he kept bugging me. Finally I gave up and just said I had to go. Beppo saw thru that but let me go anyway. I went back in my room and beat Shawn up. So then we....I dunno. I can't remember. Oh yeah. We went to Kitchen and on the way smoked up. I was fucking high as a kite by the time we go there. We all were. I took my tape recorder and got a bit of it...but not enough cause that night was fuckin hillarious. Oh well. We were there for an hour or so and then came back to my house. We put in Super Troopers but P went upstairs. Shawn went to go see where she was a few minutes later and I fell asleep in the basement.

Friday - I wake up when my alarm goes off at 8 and finally get up at 20 after. I go meet Toast and give him what he needs. Then we walk for a bit. It was cool to see him and catch up a bit. I get back to my house and of course they're still sleeping. But Shawn pulls me into bed with them and won't let me get up. Eventually I fall asleep for a bit with him hugging me to keep me in bed. We wake up after 45 minutes. Hang out a bit. P is feeling sick so when Shawn suggests a wake and bake she says no. I don't care so I go for it. Shawn and I get really high again. Spend the day as such. We both shower and then he goes home and P and I go to my friends house. We hang out there awhile. He's pretty cool. I went to school with him and would see him around town after I graduated but never really talked to him. We played some video games, watched some music videos and talked about fashion and photography. While we were there his boyfriend called and said they were going to take a break. I felt really bad for him, but he was acting a little stalker like. P and I left there and went back to my house, put in a Goofy Movie and just chilled. C called and she came over. We enjoyed the movie and then P packed and left. C and I just talked and ate pineapple. It was nice. We haven't gotten to do that in awhile. I had a blast. Oh my gosh that was last night. wow...it seems so long ago.

Today (Saturday cause I haven't gone to bed yet) I woke up at 2:30. Hung out...went shopping and got some really cute clothes for super cheap...cancelled plans with high school friends and went to Madison instead...hung out with Levi. I finally got enough guts to call DJ again. We talked...it was nice. He got my number. So eventually we're going to talk while he's not at work...just don't know when. We got to talking about hot men/women. He teased me for thinking Justin Timberlake was hot. Meanie :) Awww, I just want to meet him...to see if there is actually something between us...it's hard to tell over the phone and we've only talked twice. I did find out he graduated with one of my coworkers. So...let's hope they don't talk anymore. Cause I don't want anyone talking about me...anywhere. I hate that so much.

Well, this is kinda long so I'm gonna finish it up. Ummm, have a great Easter and 420!

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF!!!

So...got back from Minnesota and my car battery was dead. Smooth. Then I was almost out of gas...so we had to hope and pray that the car started again after I had to fill up the tank. It did. No worries.

I was feeling really down yesterday about missing a super time at the club last night. Last night for P and Shawn was exactly the night I've been wanting since I started going to the club. Sucky that I had to miss it. Oh well...I'll be rich so I don't care...(but I do). Anyway, I was also really bummed cause I called Levi when I got home and he, P and Shawn were watching tv...so they couldn't come hang out with me. But C loves me! She talked on the phone with me for...I dunno how long. Well, she at least sorta loves me...cause when I asked about Tuesday night, she wouldn't really tell me a whole lot. Then I was falling asleep so I thought it best to let her go. She called again in a hour like I asked her too and was supposed to come over, but didn't. Levi called and said they were on their way, but needed to get a hold of Shawn so I three-wayed him. They got their plans all set, so P and I talked on the phone for a little while. After we hung up, I cleaned up my room a bit and then laid on my bed. Started falling asleep again. All the sudden P, Shawn and Levi are on me, hugging me and kissing me and all that jazz. Christian comes in and sits down next to me and puts his arm around me. I felt a bit better than. I'm really happy everyone had a such a great time last night, cause I heard all about it. Or at least a lot about it...I heard more later on. Christian's brother, Robbie shows up. We all sat talking a bit and then Shawn decided he needed to talk to me alone, so we went into the bathroom. He had to tell me about what he and P did last night. P comes in to fix her hair and Shawn decides he needs to go to the bathroom, so he pulls down his pants and goes. Sick. Oh well, C shows up and we all migrate to Levi's mom's house. Robbie and I go to taco bell. That was fun. He let me drive his car back to the house. He has a nice nice nice car. Seriously. I have no idea what it is...but it's hot. If he wasn't with his girl...oh...I'd be on him just for the car. Not really. But it is a sweet car.

The rest of the night was us trying to find means of which to smoke bud. We went to Wal-mart looking for plumbing stuff to make something. Nothing there. Then we were going to buy a pipe, but it was $13.98 and we had $14.55 and needed money for something else. So we were going to get zig zags. Didn't have them at Kasey's...didn't have them at BP Amaco. We ended up getting Swisher Sweets and were going to cut one open and replace...blah blah blah. Well, Robbie couldn't do it. P couldn't do it. We were going to drive to a town near-by and get a pipe. I decided that I need to shower and sleep, so I was going to get dropped off at home. Robbie and I were in his car and everyone else was in the other car. Shawn calls me up and tells me to get tin foil and a highlighter from my house and meet them at the park in a couple of minutes. I'm happy to comply. It finally worked out. And I only took two hits and then walked away.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be getting a bag. The big ol' group of us are going to hang out and watch movies. Friday P and I are going to Madison to hang out with Joey. That'll be fun. Saturday...Levi said something, but I dunno if he wants to do something or not. Sunday...Easter. I at least have to have dinner with my family. That's about it.

Minnesota was ok. Boring to drive in. Press wasn't bad. I have an eye for color. Everyone is so proud. Had to be there from 10pm-1am, 3am-3:45am and 6am-7am. Tired. But at least I didn't have to go to work for the rest of the day.

Ok...ow. I have a headache the size of...my head. And I need a massage like you wouldn't believe. But I'll stop complaining now.

Tonight...who knows what is going to happen. Things like to change so much. Like am I still supposed to go over to C's or did Shawn get a hold of her? I guess we're going rock climbing.

Some people's logic baffles me.

I said baffle. That's pretty funny.

Ya know what bothers me? People who don't say what is on their mind. Bothersome. Cause how the hell am I supposed to know?

Wow. I'm leaving tomorrow for Minnesota. I was just thinking about that this morning and thought it was next week. It kinda threw me off when my boss came in and said we were leaving tomorrow. So I gotta pack!! For two nights? Goody! We leave tomorrow morning, will be gone at least one night being Wednesday...maybe two being Thursday and then we have Friday off! Horray! I really don't want to work this week. At all. I guess it is a work trip, but I don't know anything so it's basically to show me what's going on. I'm thinkin it's going to be really boring tho. I need me some books.

Moving on to thoughts that make some sense.

Yesterday not a lot happened. Shawn came over at 1. We played catch. Then we played X-box. We went into my room and were just going to cuddle and relax, but ended up falling asleep. C came over at 5 and I woke up. I tried to wake Shawn up at 5:30, but he wasn't havin it. So I had him call Christian and say he was sleeping on his voice mail. C and I went for a walk. A couple of groups of people wanted us to come talk to them. A big ol' group of hispanics and then a big ol' group of black guys. We were on a mission so we kept moving, saying we would talk to them on the way back. Well then they didn't say anything to us so we walked on by.

Fast forward, Shawn and I went on another cruise. C was in the back, but didn't participate. Tin foil pipe baby! Since frickin SM got my nice nice oh so pretty pipe stolen. Thanks a ton SM! Oh well. Back at my house we watched...Shrek. Only people kept calling me so I couldn't really watch the movie. Ryan called and Jake called. I talked to both of them for a long time. It was fun.

Guess who I found an email from this morning? Come on, guess! E. He doesn't know when to let it go. You would think that when I hung up on him, when I didn't really talk to him when he called me back, when I said I didn't want to meet him for coffee...ever that he would get the picture that I don't want to have any involvement with him at all. Talking to him is about the worst thing I can do...he manipulates and twists things around. I don't like that. He says he still wants to be friends, but I could never, ever be friends with him. You're supposed to be able to trust friends and I can't trust him. At all.

I guess that didn't make much more sense either. Nothing makes sense this morning. That's what happens after a month or two of being drug free and then a binge. Silly Kelly. What were you thinking? (....nothing, duh....)

Good morning! Wow...what a weekend.

Friday - I got off work and came home, Shawn and P were waiting for me...playing X-box (X-bob). I couldn't get them to do anything fun with me at first. Then we went shopping at Wal-mart. A great adventure...pistachio pudding mix, lime fruit drink, rainbow sherbet and oreos. I lost my super great mood. A friend of P's called my cell to talk to her and when we got back to my house she left. Shawn and I went on the computer. I was on the phone with Levi when I got another call, unknown name unknown number, so I answer it and it pretty much goes down like this:
guy: Is Kelly there?
me: this is
guy: Hey I was wondering if you might like to meet up and go on a date or something tonight.
me: who is this?
guy: My name is Jeremy, my friend E gave me your number and thought you might like to go out sometime.
me: E?
guy: Yeah, so do you think you might want to?
me: I'm sorry, but I have no idea who you are and that's just kinda weird.
guy: yeah. well, sorry I bothered you *click*

How fucked up is that? So now I'm fuckin pissed off. E giving my number away? So I search my room and find his card. I call his exgirlfriends (maybe his girlfriend again) and ask for him. He sounds like he just woke up but I ask him if he's giving my number away. He says no. And I say what just happened. He denies it and says I don't need to be calling him up all bitchy with an attitude...that's all I heard cause I hung up. He called again after a couple of minutes and tried to play all nice guy I'll help you figure out who did this. I don't want his help and I don't want to be talking to him. So I get off the phone with him and am now completely miserable.

I hide in my room, never wanting to talk to anyone again. It was absolutely horrible to talk to E again. It was a huge mistake and I don't want to be reminded of that at all. Shawn comes in after a few minutes and tries to cheer me up. It works after a while. Then he starts cleaning my room. So I feel guilty and we end up with the room just sparkling clean. I love it, but why did we have to clean my room? I'm happy living in filth. Oh well. It's nice now.

At dinner my dad's cell phone rings. He has my old cell phone because he gave me his new one (cause the new one was cooler and he never uses it anyway). He answers it and the person hangs up. It rings again and I answer it. It's E. He wants to know if I want to go out for coffee sometime. I say prolly not. He gets pissed and hangs up.

Shawn and I finish up my room and P gets home. We chill out for a bit. Then my sister gives me some smoke and we go on a walk. I was walking right down the street firing up. It was great! A bit risky but great! We go down into the basement and watch The Three Amigos. Laughing our asses off. Shawn had never seen it. We have some very intelligent conversations about voice dubbing, signs from God and pistachio pudding. Shawn leaves at 11:15 to go to work and I tell him to call us on his break. I fall asleep and P is just talking to me the whole time. The movie ends and we go upstairs into my room and have an intelligent conversation about Beauty and the Beast and what happens when everyone turns human again. Cause do they have to go shopping and replace all the furniture they just lost because they're human again? And where do they get the food from? Stuff like that.

Saturday - Wake up around...11? I'm wondering why Shawn didn't call until I realize that I had turned my phone off at some point. I check my voice mail and he did call! So I called his cell to see if I can wake him up. I didn't. P leaves to go hang out with her family in her home town. I hang out with family. My mom and I go on a bike ride around town. After that I grabbed a book and went outside. I read for 20 minutes and then started playing catch with my sister's boyfriend. P called and was bored so I sat outside and talked to her for a bit. Got off the phone and went with my family to Subway (BLECK!). Called C, we went and picked her up. Went to the lake and canoed. Saw some hotties. Went back to my house, Shawn called and I told him to come over. I took a shower and then just chilled. Shawn got here and we went for a cruise. Then into Walmart. Somehow we ended up over by the food section...not a good place to be if you have the munchies. We got another gallon of the fruit drink, Wheat Thins and Reisens. Yummy. On the way back to my house I called WJJO and was going to request a song but ended up talking to the DJ for a half hour. Then I think I hung up on him on accident. I called back and we talked for another 10 minutes but he had to go give a cd away so he told me to call back at 10:30. C left and Shawn and I pretty much fell asleep. I woke up at 10:50 and called DJ back. We talked until 11:20. He gave me his number and told me to call him the next time I was in Madison. So...hurray! He's kinda cute too. His pic online looks really...intense..no pissed off. It's great! Christian called Shawn's cell phone and that bitch was still sleeping so I called Christian back on my cell phone. He didn't answer but called back. We talked for a bit. I managed to wake Shawn's sorry ass up and send him to work. Christian is so much fun. I love that boy. If he and Shawn break up I'm so going to turn Christian straight. HAHAHAHAHA Unlikely. So anyway. Then S called and tried to get me to go over to her house and drink around the fire with them. I turned that down. P called and we talked for awhile. How sad is that? We talk everyday, live together, sleep in the same bed and we still call each other when we're bored. It's not sad at all! She hung up on me after awhile tho cause I started singing 98 degrees (Shawn and Cody were listening to it earlier). I went to sleep. Then Levi called. Drunk. We talked for a bit. I should call him and see how he's doing. Hold on. His phone is off. Oh well. Got off the phone with him and finally went to sleep.

Happy Sunday everyone. I think it's time for a wake and bake. Well...I've been up for a couple of hours so it might not work quite like that. Oh well, huh?

Oh my gosh. Was I really complaining that I was bored this morning? It seems so long ago. Work just came and jumped on me. That rat bastard. Oh well. Then the server was down and I finished my work...just to not be able to get online! So I wrote a letter. An actual handwritten letter! I'm so proud of me. It's going to be traveling very far too...like across the ocean! Whoa!

Ok, I'm boring me.

Hmmm, I don't really feel like blogging. But I have nothing better to do. So...yeah. We'll try to make this quick...so I have something to do and I get this done.

Ok...last night I went home and flopped down on the loveseat. I wanted to sleep so badly, but people kept talking to me! First my dad, then my mom. When they finally left I just managed to drift off when P yells from the computer room about apartments. I yell back and then try to sleep again. Just drifting off again when she comes into the living room. We talk for a minute and I wake up. She tells me, oh we can talk about this later, go to sleep. AHHH!!! I have a really hard time sleeping in the day if I'm already awake. So drifting off the second time was lucky for me and wouldn't happen again. I had P call Clay and tell him we would eat (P was dying for mac and cheese), get ready and then go. Instead, we just got ready and went to taco bell. It took a long time to get ready too. P had me wearing my tight black shirt, black pants that lace up on the side and are trimmed with cheeta print and my cat ears. I was not in the mood to wear that. So I threw on my bellbottoms and stayed with the black shirt and ears. After taco bell, We had to go back to my house to wait for KJ. I dunno if I mentioned this but KJ and P broke up. Last week or something. Oh well. He came with us and we were on our way. But then...the entrance to the interstate was closed. So we drove all the way around...not a big deal only a couple 30 miles out of our way. Shawn asked us to stop by anyway and he lives over in that area. That's a pretty big area. And I got lost. Big surprise. But I called Shawn and his aunt gave me directions. Well, sorta. It was super easy and I'm totally ashamed that I couldn't find it. Oh well. Crystal, Robbie and Shawn were going.

We all drove to Clay's. Met up with Joey, Clay and Matt. Hung out for an hour +. Oh my gosh. I saw 8-Mile for the first time. I'm sorry, but how stupid! I laughed my ass off the whole time. I suppose it wouldn't have been as ridiculous if we hadn't had the closed captions, but that was so funny.

After that was done, we went to the club. It was really lame at first. There wasn't a lot of people at all. But I went out and danced with whoever anyway. We got up on the stage for a little bit. I was starting to get really pissed off. Cause Matt is a little bit of a flamer and he's also a really great dancer. Which don't mix well for some people. Anyway, I noticed a lot of people staring and a lot of people snickering. I gave dirty looks to a lot of people and was ready to go say something to a group, but Joey, Shawn, Clay, P, KJ, Robbie and Crystal walked up then. All I have to say to those people is "You're lucky they held me back you fuckin bitches!" Moving on.

Oh my gosh...this guy (who happened to be really hot) was talking to Shawn and I recognized him. So I said "Steve, right?....no Mike!" And he's like there ya go, smiling and nodding. He gave P a hug and then gave me one. He sat talking to us a bit and wow...he was good looking. We knew each other from working as lifeguards. I don't know if he actually recognized me and if he did, he prolly didn't know my name, but that's ok. I'm used to remembering everyone and not getting recognized. It was like a big ol' lifeguard reunion last night actually. I saw two other people I used to work with at the same place. I guess at least one of them still works there. Hmmm, Mike was yummy tho.

So it started to get more fun. The boiz paid more attention to the girls while we were there because it was a straight club. That made me happy, yet sad at the same time. I guess I'm just around homosexuality where it is the norm, being the club and my friend's houses. It made me really sad that they were actually a bit scared to be dancing together. We still had a ton of fun tho.

At a quarter to one, I decided it was time for me to go. Joey, Matt and Clay left first and I had to run out after them to get directions. P went home with Shawn and all them to drink. I drove home with KJ. He climbed in the backseat and was going to try and fall asleep. Which really ticked me off. So I called Levi and made sure that I didn't get lost, cause I was going to. He steered me in the right direction and then said he would call me back (he didn't). I didn't get lost, FUCKING HORRAY!! After a half hour KJ starts talking and asks about P. He's all messed up about her breaking up with him. I tried to say the right things...but man oh man. All I pretty much said was "people change" and "Being in a relationship is nice, I mean, it's what most people are striving for, but being single is a lot of fun too." Great huh? I could answer questions in an advice column. So he's quiet again for the next 15 minutes. Then we start talking again about fun stuff. Like how cool it would be in a music video if it showed an automatic car wash and at the end they rolled down the windows. Well, it seemed cool last night. So I went and washed my car...windows up of course. We actually had a lot of fun talking. Which surprised me. KJ and I kinda ... grated on each other. He thought I was annoying and I thought he was whiny baby.

So I can't smoke cigarettes anymore. I tried to last night...but it's not happening. I inhaled and almost threw up. So...no more smokey smoke for me. If it gets me to quit...goody. I shouldn't have started in the first place. I'm thinkin it was from on Tuesday when I smoked a bunch and then was sick...stupid blue UV. BLAT!

Jeeze, I did an awesome job keeping it short today. Oh well. It's not like I feel like doing anything else. I'm tired! But I got my whole bed to myself last night. Oh I can't tell you how nice that was! Maybe it wouldn't seem as nice if P was a hot guy there just to pleasure me, but since she isn't SING IT WITH ME! I got the whole bed, to myself. I got the whole bed, to myself. I got the whole bed, to myself. I got the whole bed to myself.

I'm not a lobster. I'm just a lesser shade of white. I mean, I can tell I went, but no one else can. We'll be going again soon I'm sure.

That's about all that happened last night. P and I hung out at home, went to Wal-mart, went tanning, went home, showered, watched Boiler Room, slept. woo hoo.

Shawn called while we were at Wal-mart. I told him I kissed Levi and he wanted to know why I haven't kissed him. What a dork. So now both Christian and Shawn owe me a kiss. How silly. Well, Chris owes me from when we played Spin the Bottle (oh my gosh) and Shawn just wants to be cool. (how juvenile does this entire paragraph sound? To tell the truth, I'm really a twelve year old little girl who dreams of marrying Aaron Carter and having twins named Lacey and Violet)

I love Levi!!! I'm so sad for him. He called me at 3 this morning and needed to talk. So I provided an ear and even got him to smile and laugh a little. The relationship that just ended for him was a big ol' complicated mess. So tonight I'm going to try my hardest to cheer him up. I don't think it will work, but damn it, I've got to try.

Today 4 You, Tomorrow 4 Me!

Matt and Clay are going to California for vacation. C is going to Las Vegas. My parents are trying to go to Alaska. And what does Kelly do? Wish and pray. Cause I have no one who can go on a vacation with. None of my friends can afford it. But I would have so much fun! I want to go somewhere sunny. P and C want to go to Jamaica. I have no problem with that, but it's prolly never going to happen. Once upon a time, P and I were going to get work visas in Mexico, how funny is that? But get jobs with some hotel in Cancun and be on the entertainment staff. Meaning stuff like volleyball, pool attending and bartending type stuff. You're so dirty.

I want to go to New York so bad. Y'all have no idea. I don't know what I would do or where I would go but I know I want to go. I know I want to see Rent. Badly. And I'm sure I could find something to do. LOL! This coming from a kid who's never even ridden a bus in Madison. Good times.

Anyway, I need to find someone who can afford to go on vacation with me. We don't need to even spend that much money. I have no idea how much plane tickets, hotel rooms or anything, but I don't care. I want to go somewhere I've never been.

Oh my gosh! I'm so cheesin'! Ok I always used to be "why pay for a fake bake when you can just go outside?" But I'm so sick of the snow and rain that P and I are going tanning tonight. $4.50! Good Lord that's cheap. So horray! I'm going to get burned I bet. White me. I am sooooo white. You have no idea. But I don't care. Any color is good with me. Cause it'll fade and look real nice this weekend! Horray! What am I doing this weekend? Something fun I hope. Oh jeeze, I hope if I burn it fades by tomorrow cause we're going to the straight club. If it doesn't...oh well, it's dark anyway.

So last night was supposed to be the most excellent night of fun and dancing I've ever had...

P showed up at my place of work at 4:40. We talked a bit while I finished up what I was doing and then decided that we should go to the candy store. We found a ton of candy that we wanted to take to the club with us. Mostly FunDip. And stickers. The plan was to pick up poprocks later, but we didn't. Back at my house, we sat around. I changed into super relaxed clothes and P did the same. C came over and picked us up and we were on our way. We drove 10 minutes, got almost to the interstate, when we realized that we forgot the candy. So we drove all the way back for it. THEN we were on our way!! again.

Right when we got to Madison, Levi called. So we went over to his house. For just getting out of jail, he looked really good. We talked and laughed and he got ready. We all drove over to Clay's and Matt, Joey, Jason, Paulie and Shane were all there. We hung out for a little while. Then Clay decided it was time to drink. So I can't let him drink alone. Unfortunately all he had was Blue UV. ICKY! But I put my taste buds aside for a couple of drinks. All we had to mix it with was one can of Strawberry crush. So Clay and I shared that. I had about the equal to...four shots within 10 minutes. Yucky. I really hate UV. This was at 10:00 at night. I hadn't eaten since 5 and I had then was Micky D's fries. So I got a pretty good buzz going on. We finally leave. Out in the car, I got to kiss Levi. Like...Kiss Levi. That was fun.

The drive was a blast! A bunch of us were yelling out the window at people on the street and honking C's horn when she wasn't looking. Let's see. In the backseat was Derrick, Shane, P and Levi. C was driving, Clay was riding bitch and I was in the passenger seat. It was a ton of fun. We put the Veggie Tales Super Mix in the cd player and scared some of our passengers and some people driving. It was fun.

So we get to the club and I'm just...wow. Running around and putting stickers on people. All over giving hugs to everyone. Aaron...sorry if that was annoying, but you seemed not to mind. He told me he liked me buzzed. We had fun. P and I pulled out the FunDip and started teasing people. I was just all over! Dancing like a mad woman, talking with people I don't know, smoking like a fiend, eating FunDip and mountain dew...yeah not smart. I was sitting at the back bar when I felt like I was going to pass out. I got the whole really-super-lightheaded and started to get really cold. John was back there and he got the bartender to give me a free water (normally $2) and I knew I needed to sit on the floor. So I crawled up into the corner and tried not to die. Levi was half keeping an eye on me. He was only 2 feet away, but I was so out of it. After a couple of minutes, I felt like I was going to throw up. So I got up (horray!...that was hard work) and walked to the bathroom. On the way I saw C and asked her to come with me but she said just a minute and I was not going to wait. In the bathroom I got sick twice and felt a lot better. Exhausted. But not like I was going to pass out. The sink counter is really long and there are only two sinks so I could jump up on that and curl up. Eventually someone had to come looking for me right? I don't know how long it was. But C came in and talked to me a bit. Some of the girls started talking to me too. Some drag queen seemed especially concerned...although if it was with her makeup or for me I don't know. P came in and I just felt silly and like I was dragging everyone down. So I went out by the pay phones and P was out a little further talking to people. I don't know where C went. But this Craig guy came over and talked to me. I've only talk to him a couple of times. He rubbed my shoulders, arms, hands and back. I felt so much better after that. Aaron came over and took me by the door (since I couldn't actually go outside being a minor and having to pay to get back in). We chilled and looked at pictures of guys. I was swaying a little, but they helped me stand up. Aaron and I decided to go to sleep on each other's shoulders. Then the drag show started. We went to watch that. Well, we actually only saw Desiree. She's so cool. She did a Cher song and came out in a halter top and thongs.

I danced for a little bit, really starting to feel better. Then I went around appologizing and thanking people. The bartender for giving me water, John for helping to take care of me, the drag queen who talked to me...random people. Nothing like making an ass of yourself to make ya feel like crap...oh...what? Anyway, Jacob showed up and I finally got to see him again. After weeks. I missed that boy. I still do seeing as I only saw him for a couple of minutes. We have plans to go to the straight club tomorrow. Oh man, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm dead right now. As long as I go home and not fall asleep until at least 8:30...I'll be ok to sleep all night and then wake up refreshed tomorrow morning. Right? Sure whatever.

Oh well. I've decided that UV is evil. Icky. Even typing that made my stomach turn over. Blah! It's my fault tho. The first time I had it I hated it but drank it anyway and got wasted. Really, really wasted to the point of I don't remember a lot that went on. I know I've had it since then. Icky. Then this? No more. I'd rather be sober.

I just found out I'm going on press. Which basically means an unbusiness-like business trip up to Minnesota. Woot. So far I've heard the drive is 4 hours normal time, but we stop at every antique shop on the way, my boss will turn the heat on high so you take layers off and then turn it cold, you have two minutes from the time my boss calls to get from your room down to the car, even in the middle of the night (which happens a lot!) and the person I'm riding with/rooming with gets carsick and bitchy. Good times, good times.

Ok, somehow I woke up with a cut on my wrist. It looks like I tried to kill myself but punked out at the last second. I think I just scratched myself or something. But it hurts!

Last night C, P and I were supposed to make pinatas, but didn't. I would much rather make them outside or in the garage where we can make a big ol' mess and it's frickin cold out. Stupid Wisconsin. So instead we sat on our asses. Fun fun. Actually it was. I downloaded some music (!!!) and then we watched the Battle of the Sexes on MTV. Amusing. C left around 8 or something. Right when the newest episode on the 10 spot started, P and I decided to go to Kitchen. I haven't been there in months. So it was interesting. We went lookin like .... well, not our best. I called M when we got there and asked why his sorry ass wasn't there. He got on his way. I called my sister and she's gonna bring me some smoke up on Friday. Horray! P and I had an interesting conversation or two. Then M showed up. We sat and talked like old times. But then they started talking about the military and all that. M being an ex-marine and P just getting back from AIT. Yawn!!!! There were some guys who wanted to flirt with me and P but unfortunately we left. Whoops. On the way home I called WJJO (Madison's Solid Rock!) and requested Fever for the Flavor. I talked to the DJ a bit and he said he would get that on for me in a few minutes. They never do. So when I got close to home, imagine my surprise when he said "Here's a song for Kelly, Pam and a whole bunch of other people" and then played it! He said Kelly first! So P and I sat out in the truck listening to that in front of my house. Went in. Took a shower. I got out of the shower at 12:10 am. Then frickin talking with P until who knows when. I stayed up too late last night. And sleeping over lunch wasn't working. I did fall asleep for about 20 minutes. But then I couldn't get comfy. I think I need a blanket and a pillow so I can curl up on the floor of my office. How cool would that be?

Oh wow. I am so glad P and I are moving in together. We have such a great time together. Last night, M said he had to readjust to me and P sharing a brain. We just get it. I think our house/apartment is going to rock. Seriously. It will be a house of music and movies and laughter. How corny does that sound? Someone shut me up.

Dear Blogger,

You suck. I had a lovely little post about last night and how much I love my friends and you ate it. You fuck right off.

Sincerely,
Kelly

I don't get much into dealing with the war. Despite the fact that my roommate may have to go over there in a couple of months, friends of mine are already there and my uncle might have to go real soon... I try to avoid getting into arguments about it because I'm horribly uninformed. I don't believe all of the news and therefore, don't pay attention to it. But it depresses the shit outta me when I see headlines about the US raid on Baghdad right next to a headline for losing weight for the summer. It just makes me feel like people really are that unsensitive. People are dying over there, yet people over here are concerned with losing weight just to look good in a fuckin swimsuit?

I'm such a fuckin hypocrite too. I read the weight loss article.

I had a blast shopping. I'm so glad I went. JC Penny is having this big sale, and I got some really cool stuff. First of all, it was Joey's birthday, so I had to get him a present. It was really cool cause I was walking around the juniors section and I saw like 5 shirts on a rack, I look at the first two and they're not cool, but the third one back was perfect for Joey! It's black with red around the sleeves and neck and a cartoon girl or something with a 'fro. Underneath her it says Caution: Bad Temper. When I think of Joey, I think Attitude! So it works. To celebrate I got myself a couple of shirts. Then at Maurices I got sunglasses and a watch to continue the festivities.

I went shopping alone and it didn't even bug me. Sometimes I get a little anxious about being alone in public. So I have a tendency to avoid doing it. But yesterday I set out with a mission and completed it just fine. Congratulations to me.

Otherwise, C and I went to Red Lobster for Joey. The only other people I knew was my new best friend Jason and then Matt. We had a lot of fun. And I got to eat shrimp. So all in all, not a bad time. On the drive home I called Clay and asked him if he wanted to go out to eat on Tuesday before we go to the club. I also called Shawn, but he sounded...busy...and said he would call me back.

Oh goody, hear this. Levi is in jail. I guess I can forgive him for not calling me now. He was going to call me and try to get me to go to this hot tub party...but he got pulled over, then he had the wrong plates on his car so they arrested him and then found out about the warrents. Sucky.

It's really crappy weather out today. I'd rather be home today than on Friday. Especially since I decided to stay up last night downloading music. But what's worse is my mom is driving my car to Madison today. Not that I'm worried about my mom driving my car, but I'm worried about anyone but me driving my car. And....I don't know what's in the trunk. I know there is a ton of stuff I'd rather she didn't see in a purse back there, but I dunno if she'll even bother with it. They're just putting in a new carpet, cause my car is ghetto.

So because I know I'm going to be super busy tomorrow cause of a stupid deadline...I'm going to take some time out of my boring Sunday to tell you about the weekend:

Friday - They pretty much kicked me out of work at 2. Bad weather. I didn't see a problem with the weather at all, but fine, if you'll let me leave...have at it. So I went home and hung out with P. We watched JEM! She's truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous. I used to watch that when I was a kid and it's a kick to see it every now and again. Hmmm, Shawn kept calling and trying to get over there. P and I went to the liquor store and got what was needed. Back at my house, C had shown up. So we left. I drove. On the way I discovered that my windshield wipers were no longer functional. Bad thing to happen in near whiteout conditions. I was pissed, I mean my car is a year old. Fuckin A. So we got to Shawn's, it just took forever. He was already krunk. His boyfriend Christian was damn near krunk. Robbie, Christian's brother wasn't and Crystal was. Mostly. I dunno. I managed to stay sober for a long time. Despite the fact that I was drinking. We just kinda hung out for awhile. Played Xbox (or nintendo if that's what you call every game system, Chris). We had a lot of fun, but not a lot happened. Chris wanted to play truth or dare and then called Shawn a baby for wanting to play spin the bottle. That was funny. Chris and Shawn got into a big fight and Chris and Robbie left for a bit, but then thru the magic of cell phones all was settled. It was mostly a good time.

Saturday - woke up sore and early. 8:30 baby. I think C woke up around the same time too. So we kinda chatted a bit. Crystal left so Robbie came over and talked to us. Well, he talked and we listened. Then Chris realized that he needed to be at work. So he called his boss and said he was stuck in some city somewhere and that he would get there as soon as he could. But right at that moment Shawn's aunt came down the stairs and asked if everyone was awake. Chris might not have a job now. Oh well. So with everyone gone, C and I jumped onto Shawn's bed. He slept in the middle and we talked over him about all sorts of stuff. We talked about how if we raped him if he would wake up (that was funny cause he kept twitching or moaning). Oh my gosh is he a noisy sleeper. I may have talked about this before, but he snores when on his back and moans everytime he exhales any other time. We tried to make him dream funny things. Like...car accidents, facial hair, snozzberries, sex....there were a bunch of things we said, but when he woke up he said he didn't dream anything. Finally got him up. We went to Micky D's and got treated to a bunch of cute Army men. C drove with Shawn and I drove alone. I laughed at myself a lot, I dunno why. Then my windshield wipers fucked up again and I got pissed. So I stopped once I got off the interstate and fixed them...again. I stopped to get chai to make my day go better. C left when they got to my house, Shawn and I played video games and finally beat the level we were on. It took us about an hour of playing time. C came back over, P got home. And we watched .... a movie .... that movie was .... Dazed and Confused. Good movie. C left, P went to sleep in my room, Shawn fell asleep with his head in my lap and I watched tv. Woo hoo. I didn't want to be (I mean the MTV movie awards?). So after awhile I gently woke Shawn up. I made us dinner while he cleaned up the living room. After eating, Shawn and I ended up in my bed sleeping. Well, he was sleeping and I was just laying there. P came in eventually and we talked over Shawn while he slept. Then he was being an ass cause we woke him up. I went and took a shower while P beat him up. P and I got ready together. She was going out to the bar to meet up with some friends. I was supposedly going to Madison to hang out with some friends. She left and I went back into bed with Shawn, waiting for people to call. They didn't. So I sent Shawn off to work at 11 last night and went back to sleep. Woke up at 12 this afternoon. Now I'm kinda ticked. So here I sit debating on if I want to get up or just stay in bed the rest of my life. Not really. I wanna go shopping. Let's go.

My super secret hotmail inbox has been neglected by all who normally email me. So I say unto you, email me and thou shalt be saved.

XXXXXX@hotmail.com

(too late!)

Ok so last night was fun. Quiet but fun. I got home and Beppo and P were there. We chilled out. I don't even know exactly what we did. I burned a cd. We watched the Sum41 dvd. That was cute, I'm in love, Dereck is a hottie. TACO BELL BABY! And South Park. And Big Trouble. It was a fun night. P left and went to meet up with some friends. Beppo watched cartoons and I fell asleep on him. I woke up every once in awhile. It was nice. When he was leaving, I was laying on the loveseat and he wanted a hug. So I pulled him down. He laughed and said "oh no, dirty thoughts" I laughed and thought You too? I should have said it. Oh well. I took a shower and went to sleep. I had a dream right before I went to sleep that someone from another company we work with called about an ad I was working on. We were being a bit flirty and he was teasing me about something. Then I woke up because I thought I heard the doorbell ring. It didn't.

P woke me up when she got home. We chatted a bit. I don't remember what we talked about, but I know it was funny. Oh, she ran into E and was chatting with him a bit before she realized that she didn't like him. Then they started arguing. But he said hi to me. Figures that he's just hanging out in a bar with the same stupid chick he's been stuck to for the last six years. BLAH!!!

Waking up this morning sucked. I didn't get up until 7:25. Ran around getting my clothes all ready, got pretty and then left. I look cute tho so I'm not worried about it. At least I think I look cute. And judging by the way the drivers were looking at me this morning, I'd say I am correct. Ohhh ego, nice to see you again.

So now...I'm listening to Jack Black. It's pretty funny. But a little early in the morning for me. Oh well, what can ya do? Hehehe inward singing.

I don't want to work. I don't know what I can work on. Oh the index. Ok. Fine.

I have issues. Lots of them. One of my biggest problems is I care too much and then too little. I mean am I right when I say something is weird? I think we've just gotten distracted. No one is feelin the love. We don't need that. I don't need that. So...let's talk.

Man, I am one whiny bitch. Ignore me. Well, don't ignore me...just ignore the bad parts.

I got home last night and went into my room. Everyone else was in the computer room, laughing. I just sat on my bed for a bit almost falling asleep. Then realized I was supposed to call L back. So I did. We chatted...actually we had a serious conversation or two. We were both miserable. But talking to each other helped us both feel better. It's just amazing to me that we're still friends and have been for .... 4 years. Considering our awful try at going out and him disapearing for a couple of months every now and then. He got another call and I migrated into the computer to try my hand at being cheerful. It almost worked. We messed around on the computer, downloaded some music (I finally found my music in Kazaa!) and picked on each other. Shawn had left earlier and Beppo was there now. L called back and I was talking to him and Matt on the phone while P was IMing them. It was interesting. My friends decided that I'm a master multi-tasker cause then Jacob was online so I kicked P off and had to chat with him. So I was chatting with Matt, L and Jacob while on the phone with L and talking to them. And it worked. Jacob and I are planning on hanging out Saturday night. Then on Sunday, I'll prolly go over to L's for a bit (if it's ok with him) and then Sunday night I have Joey's party. Oh shit...I have to go shopping. After that I grabbed P and we went into my room and finished watching the video of the party at Clay's. Interesting. We sat and talked for a bit. We both had issues last night and it's nice to be able to talk about anything. Beppo came in after a bit and we all just laid on the bed talking. Then we realized South Park had been on for 15 mins already so we moved into the other room at high speeds. P was supposed to meet KJ at 9:00 or something, but we kidnapped her and made her stay and watch the new South Park with us. It was hilarious. "Fly away now Officer, flyflyfly." "Policeman Brown, never quite made it to Officer, Policeman Brown?" "I'm going to kill you, but all I could afford was this wiffle bat" Well, I laughed. Then I showered. P and Beppo left after I got out and I got back online to check out my bank stuff. I'm so rich. Until I pay my bills today. Then I'm broke. That's about it.

I know. I'm sooo interesting.

While talking, P made the startling relevation that Shawn is really mean to me. He's joking, but he's mean. Oh my gosh, I hadn't noticed. But she said, he said (gossip!) that he knows he's mean and he's going to be nicer. Unlikely. LOL, this sounds so much like middle school. Oh the drama!

Does this seem right to you...right at this very second Shawn, P and C are over at my house, playing my xbox and drinking coffee my mom made. Yet here I am at work. I prolly got the least sleep, have a shit ton of stress due to work and some surprise news from Ryan and I'm so God damn lonely.

Sometimes when I read this...I wonder what to think of me.

Please? May I please go home?

no? oh....

I am so very very tired. So Very VERY TIRED. But moving on. Last night was a ton of fun. P met me at work and I drove us to my house. I got ready really quick-like. Ok sorta quick-like. I looked really good tho. I wore my new shirt. It's long sleeve, button up and has like a southwest design just on the pockets and on the middle of the back. So it didn't look to hicksville. Also, my new hat, which just so happens to be a cowboy hat. And also, my really cute belt buckle that looks like playing cards spread out. Oh I had my hair in piggytail braids too. I wish I had a picture...but I'm sure I'll wear it again.

We drove on over to Kitchen where Beppo was waiting! BEPPO! I was super happy to see him. We sat around and talked. C showed up soon after. We kept sitting around and talking. Shawn and Foxxy showed up after a bit. We have some interesting (read: nasty) conversations in that building. Well...anywhere actually. I thought we might get kicked out this time tho. So we took it upon ourselves to leave. I never even got a ticket so I just left. Fluck them, I was so frusterated by then. Oh well. We did a bunch of running around and then drove to Shawn's house and dropped Foxxy off at her car. Got to Madison. Went to the club. I was not feeling the love at all at first. Really, I was just kinda depressed and down. No one was saying hi to me. No one was saying anything to me. So Aaron (my other "lady" from 2 ladies in Cabaret) and I were just hanging out. Cause we rock. We were the first to request a ton of songs and I'm gonna have to say, we have excellent taste. Ryan came in. He was kissing up so much cause he knew I was kinda mad at him. He and Aaron were kinda competing for me...then they would hang out for awhile. Later on in the night, all these people who didn't talk to me earlier came up and started talking. I still don't get it. But I had a good time after that. P and Beppo disapeared over to the bar side, L and C went into the ladies bathroom where a group of people (boys&girls) were listening to a popular drag queen's life highlights and that left me pretty much alone. I didn't mind. Cause I have made so many friends there, I didn't need them. And I don't mean that to sound conceited or snobby or anything. It was just kinda cool that I know so many people. I could always find someone I knew. I could go to the back, the dance floor or the front and I always had someone to talk to. That was way cool. Anyway, I spent most of the night on the dance floor with Aaron and later Clay and Aaron. Aaron did a strip tease for me (this is the third week in a row I've taken his shirt off). He started out my friend, became my boyfriend and is now my husband. And he called me gorgeous! Ryan (also my husband) kissed me and slipped me a little tounge (surprise!). Clay kissed me and I stole his sucker. Foxxy and I got up on a box and danced together with all our boiz watching (that's funny cause the two of us are the biggest Flame Dames/Fag Hags/Fruit Flies in the building...well we thought it was funny) And Shawn...didn't really talk to me all night.** But I had a really good time once the bad mood disapeared. I just want to say that Clay i.s such a cutie! And Joey, you rock, Happy Birthday on Sunday...see ya at Red Lobster. Oh my gosh, I love it when random people come up and start talking to me. This guy...Michael? Well, he came up and said he liked my hat and asked if I was going over to the afterbar. And then this guy...Jason? He was with BoxOfRocks and we starting dancing together and just having a conversation about people who don't look their age. I feel a bad for BoxOfRocks. He's L's ex. So I'm not exactly wanting to be his best friend, but he's always so nice to me. And I still don't really like him. I mean, I'm nice (like I could be mean to anyone) but I can't really be his best good buddy. I dunno, who am I to deny anyone my company?

We left after the slow dance (thanks Aaron!) and headed back home. We listened to Jack Black and I laughed my ass off. While falling asleep. I don't know how. Anyway, when we got a little closer to town I decided that I needed to cuddle. So I said someone hold me. No on moved. Thanks guys. So because Beppo was the only guy in the car and he was in front and I was in back I said "Beppo, get back here and hug me. Nope, come here. (he tried to just lean back in the seat). Climb over the seat and get back here. Now." Super bitchy! P was laughing at me cause it was an impression of Foxxy. But it worked! And we cuddled the rest of the way home. When we stopped to drop him off, I didn't let him go for a couple of mins. It was so nice to be held by a straight guy.

Once at home, I took a shower and P read. We turned off the lights and then proceeded to talk for the next hour. I didn't get to sleep until about 4:15. Woke up this morning at 7. That sucked. It still does suck. But it was nice to talk to P, like always. She was impressed with how many people I know at the club. I am too actually. But she really inflated my ego and I needed that. I looked pretty! And I have friends! But I wonder how many would miss me if I was gone...

Not that I actually want to know. Cause if it was less than I thought...I'd cry. Really. I'm sure they don't need me there to have fun, but damn it. I am a fun person to hang out with. Who am I trying to convince...me or you?

**I don't get this boy. Shawny. We have a really good time when we hang out, we talk on the phone for a really long time when he does finally call, he says I'm an awesome friend...but he ignores me a lot. So last night, I decided that I'm not going to actually try for attention from him. I'm sick of inflating his ego so he can walk away. This sounds so bad. I really do love this kid, and we have a ton of fun and I know he loves me and has fun with me too. I just have issues with being ignored in a group. Well, it's not just Shawn tho. I go totally out of my way to make sure no one is being left out or ignored...but no one does that for me. There's my issue.

Today is dragging like you wouldn't believe.

Oh balls. It's April Fools Day.

I am so ready to just walk out of work and never come back. Really, I have a deadline next week and I am so far from accomplishing it...wow. I'm nervous. And stressed like you wouldn't believe. But no way am I going to let work stop me from having a good time while I'm not here.

Yesterday, Shawn called while I was at work and we talked for a half hour (I was on my cell and still doing work whilest talking). We made plans to hang out around 5:30. Then he called at a quarter to five and said he would be at my place at 7 cause he was going to go to Madison for a little bit. So I go home and have a bad moment having to deal with my sister's stupid fiancee (why is she letting him into the family? I mean, she doesn't even like him, why would we?) Moving on, I was in my room with the door locked reading and watching my video we made one night at a party at Clay's. P got home and had a shit-ton of new clothes from the K-mart going out of business in her home town. So we got to play with those, and I showed her my new stuff. P called C because I'm not calling anyone and told her to come over. We hung out, listened to music, talked. I called Shawn at 7:20 and he was still in Madison and said he would be on his way after they got out of the Boston Store. So C left at 9, I took a shower and then P and I went to Kitchen in town. We had a ton of fun there. We're such dorks! It's a good time. So then P called Shawn at 10:20 or something and he was just gettting on the interstate from Madison. I was so mad. First he doesn't call me this week, then when he does he doesn't even ask about me and when we're supposed to hang out, he leaves me waiting for hours! P and I decided that we would leave right when they got there. Didn't work. They pushed us back (literally) and trapped us in the booth. We finally left at 11:30 or something. I love Shawn to death, but that was rude. Oh well, what can ya do?

Going to the club tonight. I dunno if I really want to or not, but I promised people I would. So I'm going. horray. only not.

Oh I got a great little letter in the mail yesterday...no return address and all it had was a purple notecard with "you're so beautiful when you smile" written on it. Thanks kid! It great to receive yesterday of all days.